Trust and Young People, read to then very end.

So 3 of my kids had an experience this week that had one of the reeling and closing herself off to the rest of the event.  When we talk to teens it’s a constant battle of listening and hearing and being understood more than any other conversational companions.  With just a thoughtless arrangement of words we can accidentally shut our youth down.  Now, we know that perfection 100% of the time is not even a possibility, so what I want to talk about are ways to help create trust, with youth especially.  They have so many more bombardments and trials and expectations placed on them then their parents did roughly 20 years ago.  The social media scene, overly easy access to emotionally destructive media, increased bullying, increased mental illness and suicides.  They need the adults in their lives to be trustworthy, reliable and validating.

I have 4 teenagers and have had to learn to connect with them where they are, not where I want them to be.  My best intentions were not making up for my lack of knowledge of how to allow them to feel validated, heard, loved and appreciated.   This short list of helpful ideas can get you connecting and building a better relationship with the young people in your life.


#1. When you ask your young person a question, watch their eyes.  If they look down, their response is emotional.  Just wait.  Give them time to process before you expect an answer.   This includes little young people.  If you just want them to pick A or B and they look down, be the adult and give them time. If you're patient and kind, they will answer. 

#2 When they tell you something, mirror it back to them. I'm going to give you an example. 
Mom "Hey T, how did practice go today?"
T "It was fine."
Mom"Just fine?  Tell me about it!"
T "Well I had to break up a fight between two of my teammates and then coach came over and asked me what happened and I had to go with him to talk to the two kids since I am captain."
Mom, "You had to break up a FIGHT at practice? How'd it go?"
T "Yeah, it was more annoying than anything.  A and K had been going at it so I had been watching them all practice."
Mom "It was annoying to break up the fight or that they were going at it all practice?"
T: "Both really. Coach was cool about it and told me thank you for being aware of what was going on."
Mom "Wow!"

This was an actually conversation with one of my sons.  4 months before this, I didn't have the skill or knowledge to mirror him back to be able to help him relax and know I was listening to him.   Notice I used his words back to him and I asked another question to get more information or clarify what had been said.  4 months before this I would never had found out about his night until his coach contacted me.

#3 Validate their feelings.  If they are complaining about chores, agree with them.  "Yes, I know it's not your favorite thing to do, mine either. (Hug) We will feel better if we get the job done, and maybe if we work together, we can get it done faster and then have a treat"    This kind of conversation tells them that whatever they are feeling is just fine and teaches them a way to get through the feelings and go onto accomplish the task ahead of them.  This teaches resilience. It is a life skill in desperate need of being taught!


#4 I'm going to tell you right now that this one can be really hard to own.  You HAVE to be in control of yourself.   If you're yelling, it's not them, it's you.  If you're showing up in a way that pushes them away, that's on you.  You HAVE HAVE HAVE to deal with your own garbage, history, old stories etc.  You don't yell at your kids because of their behavior, you yell at them because that's your default habit.   It's time to show up as the adult and develop your self control.


There's nothing perfect about my parenting except a moment here and there when I really get it right. Those little moments are getting more frequent.  That being said, I yelled at my kids last night.  Start implementing 1 thing, and forgive yourself when you don't get it perfect.  Just keep trying. 


I know parenting is hard and we need all the support we can get.  So I am introducing The Joys of Limitless Imperfect Parenting!  This is a 28 day intensive that grounds you in the 4 pillars of parenting.  I'll post a bit more about this later but if you want to get started, then Click here to book an appointment and go to my Facebook page and message me that you want The Joys of Limitless Imperfect Parenting introduction!   Here's to a happy, connected, loving, fun summer!!

Learning to Trust Yourself

This morning I am going to talk a bit about how to learn to trust yourself.  It starts by being able to HEAR yourself.  What???  Yep, that's what I said!  You have to be able to HEAR what your intuition is telling you.  Uh-ho.  Really?  How do I do that?  How do I hear something I don't even know what sounds like?  Something that I don't even realize is talking to me, nor do I even know how to tune into it?!?  Do I have to start talking to myself?? 




Take a deep breath, and let's walk through this.  This is a PROCESS, it takes time, effort and love.  There are literally tons of ways that you can learn to trust yourself, so I am going to give you 5 practices that you can use to learn to better hear your intuition.   Note:You don't have to do ALL of these, just find the one that works for you.

#1 Go outside barefoot and find some dirt, grass, or rocks etc, and sink your feet into it.  In your mind's eye, picture you feet growing roots that sink into the earth and connect you to Earth. What comes up?  Write about it.  Start with, "When I was grounded to the earth I felt..." and just write. Is there something you're doing that you need to change? Or something you need to start doing more often?

#2 Recognizing it for what it is.  My 16 year old daughter said that the best way she learned to listen to her gut was by trial and error to recognize it for what it was.  "When I felt really weird about someone's suggestion and choose to do something else, that weird feeling would go away and it was replaced with a specific feeling of peace."    So when you feel a bit weird about something, or it feels off, or just not good, stop and check in with yourself, listen to what that feeling is trying to tell you and make your decision based on that.  If you have time to in that moment, write about what you're feeling.  "I feel weird about ____________ because..."(keep writing).

#3 Take a small, calculated risk, like trying a new class, or different restaurant than you'd normally go to, if you tend to be on the go all the time, this could even look like just slowing down and spending intentional time relaxing. Write about how this makes you feel both before you go and after you are finished.  Be open to something new. 

#4 Write down something you want on the top of a piece of paper.  Under that ask (write) the question "What's stopping me from achieving _______________?" Then answer the question on the rest of the page.  Pick one thing out of what you wrote out to work on or change immediately. Make a plan to change it.

You've probably noticed a theme through these as you've read these.

#5 Write, write, write, with a purpose!  Write about your fears, write about your losses, write about money, write about the bad parts and the messy parts and the scary parts. When all the negative stuff is out, burn it, shred it, wad it up and throw it out!   When you're done, write what comes to mind that you want to create and have happen and note how much more brain space you have, which allows you to hear other things, like yourself.


How is this feeling? 
Does it feel a little scary? 

Do you remember that you can do hard things? 
Do you believe you can be more than you are?  I do!  I will hold that space for you and give you the support and tools you need to get passed what is holding you back from living the life you want! Let's talk!

Trust and our Higher Power

So we have hit a point where we need to talk about rebuilding trust.  The problem with this is that it takes time.  It takes patience.  Maybe it takes starting over a few times, which is scary and might hurt, again.   So how do we even begin to want to try to do let someone rebuild our trust?

We trust ourselves and our Higher Power.    You may now be thinking, I don’t believe in God. Note I never said God.  I said Higer Power.  Your Higher Power could be a mountain, the universe, God, Buddha, Ra, or Love, etc. It doesn’t matter.  Trusting something bigger than you, and knowing without a doubt that your Higher Power has your very best interest at heart opens your heart to healing and growth. 

I’m going to get a little deep here.  I fully believe and can’t deny that my intuition is linked to my trust in my Higher Power.   If I trust my intuition and my Higher Power, who has my very best interest at heart, I will know who is worth trying to trust again and who I need to bless and let go.   

What’s coming up for you right now? Are you feeling some resistance to this?  To which part are you feeling resistance?  What is it trying to tell you?  Are you needing help getting yourself in alignment passed the resistance?  Click Here and set up your discovery session today and let’s get you moving!! 

Forgiveness and Trust

I was told a story when I got married about an older couple, the wife never seemed to get upset about anything that her husband did over the years.  When her dear friend asked her about it, the wife replied, "I picked 10 things when we got married that I wasn't going to complain about in my husband.  So whenever he did something that frustrated me, I let it go and told myself it was 1 of his 10 things."  

Most people in our lives will at some point or another need to be forgiven.  Maybe there are things that you have "preforgiven" like missing the hamper or your SO or child forgetting to clear their own plate off the table or maybe even someone cutting you off in traffic. You have made the decision before the offense occurs to not allow it to bother you.  You may have to look to find something like this, however if you're BFF is always frustrated about something that you don't see as a big deal, it falls into this category.  Make sense?

There are also times where trust is broken with the grievance that needs forgiven.  I am going to tell you something that seems to be misunderstood.  Forgiveness and Trust are mutually exclusive.  Forgiveness does NOT mean that trust is restored!  You can forgive someone and not trust them again.   Trust is not automatic once forgiving someone has been achieved.    Did I say that enough ways to make it clear?  Here's a picture that might help too!

Trust yourself, trust that you have worth and value just because you are you.  Your worth and value is not negotiable with other people.  It is between you and your higher power.  You got this.  You are capable of trusting yourself!!  

Do you know you can trust yourself?  Do you need help rebuilding that relationship?  Do you know you have significant worth and value?  Are you stuck somewhere in this post?  Schedule your Discovery Session today and let's start moving you onto a better relationship with yourself!   

Feeling the Levels of Trust

Let's talk about trust itself for a few minutes and see where we go.  Trust is a choice.  Sometimes trust is more of a conscious choice than subconscious.  Our subconscious decisions are based on a decision we already made that worked.  It doesn't have to be the best option to work, it just has to have worked.   In September 2006, Robert F. Hurley wrote an article called The Decision to Trust, where he talks about how trust impacts the workplace and how we choose to trust or not trust, he also comments that this is the big middle of the spectrum of trust, not the far end of blind trust or overly suspicious distrust.  The part I'm going to reference right now is when he surveyed how different levels of trust feel.

Low levels of trust situations were described as "Stressful", "Threatening", "Divisive",  Unproductive" and "Tense".  What if  you to take a minute and think about each of those words.  Think about where you are in your journey of trusting yourself, do these words describe where you are on your path all the time?  Most of the time? Some of the time?  Rarely ever?  Where do you want to be? How can you get there?

Let's compare to high levels of trust, the words were "Fun", "Supportive", Motivating", "Productive", "Comfortable".  How do these words sit with you?  When was the last time you felt them? How often do you feel them?  How often do you WANT to feel them?   How long do they last when you do feel them?  Can you feel them from trusting yourself and let that validation hold? 

Trusting yourself and letting that validation hold and carry you forward you is a significant part of your self-esteem.  You can make the best choices for yourself! You can hold to them and move forward, catapulting yourself along your journey at a pace that suits you.  Do you want to move forward in this direction?  Do you need help?  Click here and let's talk.  We will uncover what it is you REALLY want, discover what's holding you back from that, and discuss plans to move forward.  

Trusting yourself!

I am a HUGE proponent of following your intuition and trusting your gut. In this post I am going to explain WHY it is so important to trust yourself.  When we get online there are a million ads and posts jumping out at us to do this or try that because it's proven and fool proof and endorsed by so-and-so. The music that is played beats about dishonesty, cheating, stealing, robbing, lying, etc. and there are more than a few movies based on the same untrustworthy bases.  So why would we be able to take in all of the above mentioned influences without having them impact us when really, "We are what we think"?

We are what we think, because your mindset creates your world, both your perceived world, the way you see things, and your physical world, the way you create what happens in your life.  If you think that you aren't good enough, aren't capable, can't try to new things, and listen to the fear, limiting beliefs, and lies going through your head, you aren't trusting the guiding light inside of you that you were born with, your intuition.   Your Intuition is what tells you that you're hungry, or full, or stay away from the person that gives you the legitimate creeps, that something is off even if you can't pinpoint it, that you need to touch base with someone who, when you do call them has been having a horrible day and really needed a friend.  This is the most important part of yourself that you need to trust. This is the part of you that wants to grow, get better and thrive.  This is the part of you that understands that just because it's scary doesn't mean it is ACTUALLY going to kill you.  See this AMAZING SHORT for cute explanation of what this means.

The things you can and will accomplish when you just try, not stressing about outcomes or what people will think, just trusting what your body is telling you in what to eat, what is a good idea or what is bad for you, despite what anything or person is telling you, that's real power, real freedom and that's how you really start living to reach the goals and dreams that you have for yourself.

If this is something you need help with, please feel free to reach out me.  Take the first step in following your heart and taking back your power right  here, right now.

Topic of the week!

This week are going to talk about Trust. I am not going to be posting as many little ones but more longer posts that talk about different aspects of trust, how to build it in yourself, your higher and other important things to remember.

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Challenge for today!

So I like to issue challenges on my FB page when I am not doing weekly intensives.  Today's challenge is to do something you have been putting off, it doesn't have to be big!  A phone call, cleaning out a drawer, whatever comes to mind.  No rules, just GO!  Check in and let me know what you did!  As for me, I took a nap, see, I told you no rules!

Introducing Me!

Hi!  My name is Heather!  I'm in my late 30's. I grew up in Pennsylvania and Texas. I have been married for 18 years and we have 6 kids ranging 8-16, with 4 teens!   I'm a Health and Lifestyle Coach that teaches you how to rid yourself of the emotions that keep you in the past and prevent you from fully living. Without these negative emotions weighing you down, you will have more energy, improved health, clearer perspective, and emotional room for more joy and happiness! I love working on stress management, managing overwhelm, money, communication, and parenting! You are ALWAYS welcome to schedule a Discovery session HERE! We can discover what is slowing you down or stopping you from getting what you want! Cheers!